i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you. i have all this built up love and idk who to give it to, myself??!? i love the way i hurt for others. I feel your pain swelling up in my eyes, coming to me as water. i love my listening skills. I love that people are confused and curious and a little scared of me. i love my friends, because i know im alone, but so are they. and its not that they dont care. its that noone cares. this is the longest i havent practiced for. its literally been 2 or 3 days since ive given myself a good quite sober, sitting. oh and the sobriety, is amazing. 1st time in 5 months ive been not sober. and just normal me. not trying so hard to be mindful, (beacuse im usually dedicated) is it sick and disgusting to think, “wow im taking a break off for a little bit” pot really helps with that. when i smoke. i cant be sober for the rest of the day. theres a feeling that lingers 2 or 3 days after. thats really bad for my practice. so thats why i dont usually smoke.
But i need to establish myself in the chaos. im like, super certain and have so much faith that, ive been untying the knots ive been finding in myself. and i KNOW , if i let myself go just a little bit. I’ll save myself, pull myself back, and fix a lot of internal wounds as well. If i go find whats wrong with me, let myself, fall down to view the roots from my knees. I’m more than strong enough
